The Working Parent Struggle: Can You Have It All in Singapore?

Balancing a career and parenting is tough. A Redditor from r/askSingapore recently shared how she’s struggling to keep up with both work and motherhood. With a young child under two, she rushes home after work to spend time with her kid but feels guilty for leaving on the dot when her colleagues stay back late.

Despite finishing her tasks on time, she worries about being penalised in career progression. On weekends, she devotes all her time to her child, sacrificing personal needs like shopping, home organisation, or even getting a haircut. While she loves her child more than anything, she can’t shake the feeling that she’s "lost herself" in the process.

This post struck a chord with many Singaporean parents who feel the same way.

"You Can Have It All, Just Not at the Same Time"

Many working parents chimed in with similar struggles and hard-earned wisdom. The common consensus? Something’s gotta give.

"It’s tough. The only way I made peace with the situation is that I decided I can’t have it all. After having kids, my priorities shifted to family. I used to OT like crazy, but now I make it a point to leave on the dot. I don’t compare myself to colleagues anymore."
— u/freshnatto

Several parents mentioned that after accepting their new priorities, they became more efficient at work and learned to set boundaries. The key? Stop caring what others think and run your own race.

"Actually, sometimes knowing when to stop working is a sign of your self-worth. If your job loses you, they can replace you in a blink of an eye. But to your child, you are irreplaceable."
— u/freshnatto

Another parent reinforced the idea that parenting is just a phase—the intensity will ease up in a few years.

"This is an era of your life. It won’t last forever. It gets easier when the kid turns 3 onwards—they sleep better and can do more things themselves. Hang in there!"
— u/freshnatto

Dads Weigh In: "Career Progression? Doesn’t Matter."

Interestingly, some working fathers shared their experiences, with a few taking on the primary parenting role.

"I’m the one fetching the kids to and from school. Cook their dinner most days, rush my work like mad to end on time. I know it’ll stagnate my career progression, but my children come first. They’re only small once—I don’t want to miss it and regret when I’m old."
— u/Babyborn89

Another dad kept it blunt:

"I feel no qualms leaving on time. It’s just a transaction after all. Be professional, do your work, and f* off from the place."**
— u/TheOne0003

For some, WFH arrangements helped a lot, allowing them to squeeze in some personal time before picking up their kids.

The Gender Divide: Do Fathers Get a Pass?

The OP questioned whether gender plays a role in workplace expectations. She noticed that male colleagues with kids work late, send out emails at night, and seem less affected by parenting responsibilities.

"Yes, gender makes a difference. These guys usually have a spouse with fewer work commitments who does the parenting. Unless you have a very supportive spouse, it’s extra hard on women."
— u/fijimermaidsg

The reality is that many fathers still rely on their wives to handle the bulk of childcare. While some dads are hands-on, mothers often carry the mental load, from meal planning to managing doctor’s appointments.

"Life right now is kids – work – kids – work. I feel like there’s no mental break because I’m either focusing on work or my children."
— u/Apples_Bananas_101

How Do Parents Cope?

There’s no magic solution, but many parents shared what helped them survive.

1. Prioritise Ruthlessly

"Your energy and time are finite. You have to know your priorities. If it’s your kids, then treat work as work. Once work ends, don’t do work anymore—make it all family time."
— u/Southern-Soil-3365

Many parents stopped aiming for career progression and instead focused on doing enough to keep their jobs while being present for their kids.

2. Stop Feeling Guilty

"I tell myself this is a temporary season of life. When the kids grow up, I’ll have time for myself again."
— u/ggghhhjjj2

"Your job will replace you, but your family cannot do without you. Spend every second you can with your child. Watching them grow up is worth more than any promotion."
— u/Gentian_07

3. Consider a Career Switch or WFH

Some parents changed jobs or moved into more flexible roles.

"I became a SAHM when my kid was born. Now that my child has started school, I work part-time so I can balance both. This way, I earn a little but still have time to be a mum."
— u/ashleighyan

"I waited to have kids until I reached a fairly senior position. Once you’re in management, people value your decision-making skills more than face time in the office."
— u/IAm_Moana

"I run my own business from home. Less stability, but at least I’m present for my kids. It’s a trade-off, but I don’t regret it."
— u/iamseeketh

4. Lower Your Standards

Perfection is impossible. Many parents gave up on certain expectations—whether it’s a spotless home, an impressive wardrobe, or a high-flying career.

"Some things just have to wait—whether it’s decorating my home or even getting a haircut. This is my reality now."
— OP

So, Can You Be a Good Parent and Have a Thriving Career?

The brutal truth? Not really—not without significant sacrifices.

• If you prioritise family, your career might slow down.
• If you prioritise career, you might miss out on your child’s early years.

Most parents found peace by letting go of the pressure to “have it all.”

As one user put it:

"You can have it all, just not at the same time."

For now, it’s all about survival mode—doing the best you can for both work and family while accepting that some things will have to wait.