“She Said She Can Depend on Us” – Singaporean Struggles With Mum Who Refuses to Save for the Future

A Redditor took to r/askSingapore to share a financial dilemma many Singaporeans quietly face — how do you encourage a parent to save for their own future when they stubbornly refuse to?

In the post, the user (u/291089) explained their situation: their divorced parents both receive a monthly allowance, but only their father has taken steps to save. Their mother, on the other hand, believes her children — and insurance — are sufficient to cover any future expenses, including medical bills. Her reasoning? Money should be enjoyed while one is alive.

The OP, who seems both concerned and frustrated, asked for advice on how to approach this without triggering unnecessary family drama.

“She keeps saying that we should not be too thrifty and enjoy the money, as after we die, it will go nowhere.”

Despite trying to explain the realities of rising medical costs, the mother continues to lean on the idea that children will naturally provide. This prompted the Redditor to consider reducing her allowance and saving the difference for her — with her knowledge.

“I was thinking of reducing her monthly allowance and saving on her behalf.”

Her mindset is also creating tension within the family. When the OP’s sister stopped giving her allowance after getting married, the mother aired grievances to extended relatives, creating further guilt and pressure.

“She started to tell our extended families and I felt that it made them judge my sister…”

The Redditor remains torn between wanting to be filial and ensuring their own financial future is not compromised.

Public Reactions & Comments

Many users resonated with the issue, with several calling out a harsh truth:

“You are her current and future savings account.” – BuffDarkKnight

Others suggested taking financial control on her behalf:

“Cut a portion of what you give her monthly and save on her behalf. It will be ugly but it has to be done.” – Grimm_SG

A popular workaround involved using the CPF Retirement Account:

“Put money directly into her CPF SA… She’ll get CPF Life monthly payouts from age 65. You also get tax relief.” – hydrangeapurple

“Just top up their CPF account… got tax relief and some matching grant.” – jeffrey745

Some took a more pragmatic approach:

“Set up an investment account or unit trust and put money into it instead of giving cash outright.” – Traditional_Bell7883

“I direct allowance into a bank account only meant for her future medical expenses.” – DakotaJ0123

Not everyone was sympathetic to the mother’s mindset:

“They expect the allowances to be for daily expenses only and assume it's their children's responsibility to come up with tens of thousands for any extra expenses.” – Whole_Mechanic_8143

“With a mum like this, no wonder your dad divorced her.” – BuyHigh_CryLater

Some felt that a shift in perspective was necessary — and overdue:

“If your dad can do it, why can’t your mum? When you have your own family, you have to prioritise accordingly.” – Silentxgold

Others questioned the cultural norm of unconditional parental support:

“We’re not our parents' ATMs… If she does not listen, top up her CPF for her, then you're done with your duty already.” – GrapefruitCertain670

Still, a few shared more empathetic angles:

“Many of our parents may not have had the luxury to save because they gave everything for their kids. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn't talk about it.” – Excellent-Cup-6054

“Notice I didn’t say healthcare because you tried that already. Maybe reframe it — tell her saving is to spend on her grandkids.” – Cautious_Schedule849

This post reveals a growing generational tension in Singaporean families: the clash between traditional expectations of filial piety and modern financial realities.

While most children still feel the moral responsibility to support their parents, rising living costs and financial insecurity have made that obligation harder to shoulder blindly. The expectation that children will always “cover everything” can become emotionally and financially draining.

There’s also a mindset gap — especially with older generations who’ve lived through different economic conditions. For some, saving seems unnecessary or even pessimistic. But for the younger generation, financial planning is about survival, not stinginess.

Redditors overwhelmingly agree: when reasoning fails, structure must take over. That means diverting funds into CPF or savings accounts, even if the parent resists — not out of disrespect, but to protect everyone in the long run.