Dating in Singapore: Who Pays, First Date Etiquette, and Red Flags
The dating scene in Singapore has its own unique dynamics, and a recent r/askSingapore thread sparked an interesting discussion about first date etiquette, including who pays, name privacy, and dating expectations. Here’s what Singaporeans had to say.
Who Should Pay on the First Date?
One of the most debated topics: should the guy pay, or should the bill be split? The responses were split between traditional chivalry vs. modern equality.
Team “Guys Should Pay”
Some men still believe in paying for the first date, whether as a gesture of goodwill or to make a good impression.
“Millennial male here. I'd pay for the first date. Not paying for the first date may be a deal breaker to some ladies but not for others. No right or wrong there.” – silentscope90210
“If a guy offers to pay first, it puts him in a good light.” – 0nhindsight
Some women also appreciate the gesture, though many insist they aren’t out for a free meal.
“It takes a girl at least 2-3 hours to prepare vs like max 30 mins for a guy. The least a guy could do is pay for the first date haha.” – kloklop12345
“I’d be okay going Dutch for the following dates, although my ex paid for all meals, and I really liked that gesture.” – kloklop12345
Team “Split the Bill”
On the flip side, many Singaporeans think splitting the bill is the fairest approach.
“Maybe just be upfront from the start that you prefer Dutch. This way, it’s non-obligatory.” – Darth-Udder
“Men should spend within their means for the first date, no need for overly atas places. That way, not much gold to dig, and less pressure on both ends.” – ElectricalTruth0
Many men see an offer to split as a green flag because it signals fairness and appreciation.
“Offering to split is a green flag. We will still insist on paying though.” – JanGabionza
And some women insist on paying their share to avoid being seen as freeloaders.
“If it’s a date I don’t fancy meeting again, I would pick up the bill because I don’t want the person to quote that I’m out for a free meal lol!” – 0nhindsight
How Singaporean Men Approach First Dates
Singaporean men typically opt for casual first dates rather than splurging on expensive meals.
“Most guys would pay for the first date, but many have gone on enough dates with girls whose primary intention was to get a free meal. Therefore, smart guys do first dates as coffee dates as a soft cap to limit losses.” – Mediocre-Lopuat-69
“Coffee dates also work as an easy exit if you guys are not vibing well. Can cut it short.” – HoyaDestroya33
Why coffee dates?
- Less pressure
- Easy exit if there's no chemistry
- Limits spending, avoiding "free meal" situations
“I had a girl who insisted the first date be a meal instead of a coffee date. She unmatched me after I insisted on only coffee or dessert. Lol.” – winterstar314
However, some women prefer dinner dates because they provide more time to get to know someone.
“I've found that it's useful to arrange for the first date to be a meal, so that the meet-up is for a fixed amount of time. If the date is going well, it can be nice to just grab a coffee or dessert after the meal!” – PeakGuilty
Dating Red Flags: Full Name Privacy & Other Dealbreakers
Is It Okay Not to Share a Full Name?
Many agreed that not giving a full name on a first date is fine, mostly for safety reasons.
“Giving just a first name should be enough. Why do you need his full name?” – LittleBaby_Potato
“If they’re comfortable with you, you’ll find out their full name eventually. No need to force it.” – a5ft2capricorn
Some people, however, feel that being too secretive can be a red flag.
“I met a guy who found my LinkedIn and knew a lot about me. I took off the info from my LinkedIn.” – schwarzqueen7
“If someone is super hesitant to even share a surname, I might get a bit suspicious.” – Traditional_Bell7883
Other Dating Red Flags
Many Singaporeans highlighted calculative behavior as a huge turnoff.
“If I see a recurring pattern where he counts everything down to the last cent, I ditch him. Calculative behavior is a personal turnoff.” – WanderStarr03
Some men also shared horror stories of dates clearly looking for a free meal.
“I once took a girl on five dates, each dinner costing at least $150. She never even offered to split, not even as a gesture. After five dates, she told me she didn’t feel the chemistry.” – semmikhan
“I had a colleague just tell me she was doing this when she wanted free meals. I felt disgusted.” – troublesome58
How do guys spot gold diggers?
- Insisting on expensive first-date locations
- Never offering to split
- Ghosting after getting a free meal
The Singaporean First Date Formula
Based on the discussion, here’s the general first-date etiquette that seems to work for most Singaporeans:
- Pick a casual venue – Coffee dates are popular, but meals work if both are comfortable.
- Be upfront about payment – Offer to split or discuss preferences beforehand.
- Don’t overspend – Many men strategically pick affordable spots to avoid "free meal" scenarios.
- Name privacy is fine – A first name is enough; full names come later.
- Watch for red flags – Be cautious of freeloaders, overly secretive people, and calculative behavior.
Final Thoughts: Balance is Key
Singapore’s dating culture seems to blend modern equality with traditional values. While many men still pay for the first date, they appreciate when women at least offer to split. Coffee dates remain the safe and efficient option, and privacy concerns are valid when meeting new people.
At the end of the day, the best approach?
“Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, not an interview.” – WanderStarr03
Whether you’re for “guy pays” or “go Dutch,” mutual respect and genuine interest matter most.
