Dating in Singapore: Has the Balance of Expectations Shifted?
The dating landscape in Singapore appears to be evolving, with changing expectations and dynamics that have many young adults questioning whether the playing field remains level. A recent discussion on Reddit has shed light on how many Singaporean men in their twenties perceive the current dating scene, highlighting concerns about unbalanced expectations and standards between genders.
The Modern Dating Dilemma
The conversation began with a Redditor noticing a troubling trend on social media platforms like TikTok, where content seems to be setting increasingly demanding standards for Singaporean men. As the original poster explained:
"Lately, I've noticed a lot of content on social media, especially on TikTok, setting certain expectations for Singaporean guys—almost like there's a checklist to meet. If they don't, they're considered 'not up to par.' But shouldn't things be more balanced?"
This observation resonated with many commenters who shared similar frustrations about perceived double standards in the dating scene.
The Age Factor: Different Standards at Different Life Stages
One of the most insightful perspectives came from a commenter who suggested that time affects men and women differently in the dating market:
"I think the effects of time is different on men vs women. During the youth period from teenage years to young adults (20s), the criteria set for men tends to be higher and appears harsher. But once both sexes reach their 30s, the criteria began to be higher and harsher for the women than the men." - DaftSinkies
This dynamic was further elaborated in another comment that bluntly described the situation:
"Unless the man is rich and handsome, dating for men in their 20s is generally hellish. For women in their 20s, it is like tutorial mode unless they are ugly or fat, because they are in their prime. But once both hit 30s, the men have the upper hand so long they maintain their fitness and their career is on an upward trajectory." - nishikinomak1
The Selective Application of Equality
Many commenters pointed out what they perceive as inconsistency in how principles of gender equality are applied:
"Funny how feminism only seems to come into play when it benefits females. When it comes to career opportunities and independence, it's all about equality. But in dating, traditional gender roles are still expected from men—paying for dates, making the first move, and meeting a long checklist of standards." - CryingGod0
This sentiment reflects a broader frustration that while society has moved toward equality in many spheres, traditional gender expectations often persist in dating contexts.
Cultural Comparisons
Interestingly, several commenters shared observations about differences between Singaporean women and those from other countries, suggesting that entitlement might be a more pronounced issue locally:
"Upon coming to uni and started slowly meeting foreign students doing their exchange here(I met mostly from Europe or North America), I realised that the girls from these places ain't like the Singaporean girls that are like what you said, as in they are the type that will be respectful as long as you're being respectful, they won't try to be snobbish towards you just because they feel like it or they think they can because they are girls which grant them a special entitlement to do so." - Senior_Ad_1598
This led to recommendations from multiple commenters to expand dating horizons:
"A tip is to not limit yourself to the dating pool in SG alone. The world is your oyster." - LowBaseball6269
Social Skills and Long-term Consequences
Some commenters pointed out how current dating attitudes might have long-term consequences, particularly for women who might be developing poor social skills:
"Learning good social skills on how to interact with the opposite sex is best achieved when you are young. Those skills are not only good for finding the one but also for accurately evaluating a person's true colours. But feeling entitled means they treat any opportunities to interact with the opposite sex with disdain and their social skill level will just get stuck." - DaftSinkies
This observation connects to a question posed by the original poster about women over 30 who struggle to find partners:
"Sometimes I wonder when ppl post in asksingapore claiming they are above 30F unable to look for a partner... Is it they expect too much or blew every chance in the younger stages..." - Right-Ask5607
Economic Factors
Some commenters suggested that economic realities might be contributing to changing dating dynamics:
"It's because monetary inflation. [...] With fiat's loose supply growth resulting in continuous price increases, and savings becoming ineffective, the financial pressures of fiat have resulted in a large increase in families with two wage earners, resulting in far less time for them to spend together." - ContributionNo5725
Another commenter referenced historical economic aspirations in Singapore:
"Growing up during my generation, the conditions for getting married, or rather the aspirations, are the 5 Cs. There isn't any talk about just expecting the guy to have them. It is expected the 2 married couple will strive for it together and build whatever they can." - doesitnotmakesense
Individual Differences
Not all perspectives were critical. Some commenters emphasized that individual differences matter more than generalizations:
"In the end bro u gotta find someone that works with u, there'll be good Singaporean woman and bad." - Manapouri33
One female commenter noted her different approach:
"Hm I'm a girl but I'm the one paying for dates and I don't have standards maybe depends on the girl ba" - Ok_Zookeepergame7441
Looking Forward
The discussion highlighted how dating expectations are constantly evolving, shaped by social media, economic factors, and changing gender roles. As one commenter put it:
"Our parents and grandparents have set these standards. It is up to us and the younger generations to break free of these standards and make a better one." - DirectionMundane5468
This sentiment suggests hope that more balanced expectations might emerge as younger Singaporeans redefine relationships on their own terms.
The Conversation Continues
These observations offer just a glimpse into the complex dynamics of dating in Singapore today. While many participants in the discussion expressed frustration with current trends, others emphasized the importance of looking beyond generalizations to find meaningful connections based on mutual respect and shared values.
