Coworker Giving Unwanted Gifts – How to Handle It?
A recent post on r/askSingapore highlighted an uncomfortable workplace situation many may find relatable. A 25-year-old woman shared how a male colleague, seemingly in his mid-30s, started leaving food on her desk weekly after a company team-building event. It escalated when he placed a heart-shaped box of chocolates on her desk on Valentine’s Day, then later asked to exchange WhatsApp contacts via a QR code. Feeling pressured, she gave him her number.
Since then, the messages have been frequent. He calls her "美女" (pretty girl), repeatedly asks if he’s disturbing her, and seeks reassurance that he isn’t being a bother. Despite her short responses and mentioning her boyfriend, he continues sending lengthy messages, inviting her out, and making personal comments about her looks. This has left her feeling uneasy, especially as her colleagues have also noticed his unusual behavior.
She turned to Reddit for advice on how to handle the situation without creating unnecessary workplace tension. The responses were overwhelmingly direct.
"Only reply to work messages. Literally do not reply to anything else." – u/ZengZiong
"You have to tell HR that a colleague is giving unsolicited attention and that you feel very uncomfortable. Then you show them the WhatsApp messages." – u/NovelDonut
Many commenters stressed the importance of being firm and clear to avoid giving false hope.
"You have been accepting his advances so far, you haven't rejected him yet. Try 'I'm flattered but I'm not interested. Please stop giving me food and texting me.' If he persists, HR it is." – u/dailyxdrug
Several users pointed out that being too polite can sometimes be misinterpreted as encouragement.
"If a guy keeps asking you if he's bothering you, and you don't say yes, then technically, you can't blame him for continuing. You need to be fair and just say no." – u/Kryorus_saga
Others warned that ignoring the issue could lead to escalation, as seen in past workplace harassment cases in Singapore.
"FYI, I remember reading an article about a guy who had a crush on a colleague. He started putting drugs in her water bottle to make her feel sick and faint. She later set up a camera and caught him. He was charged." – u/Visible-Broccoli8938
Some highlighted cultural differences, as workplace norms in different countries might vary.
"In China, it’s common to exchange contacts via QR code and for men to be more persistent in pursuing relationships. But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. Just be firm and set clear boundaries." – u/chavenz
Ultimately, the community advised that OP should take action before the situation worsens. Whether it’s telling him outright to stop, documenting all interactions, or escalating to HR, waiting too long could send the wrong signals. Workplace boundaries matter, and clear communication is key to ensuring a professional and comfortable environment.
